


you’re ugly when you cry

by pretztail



Category: Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard - Rick Riordan
Genre: And violent threats, Angst, Death Threats, F/M, Getting Together, He/him pronouns for alex, Hurt/Comfort, I think?, M/M, Magnus is my punching bag apparently, Mutual Pining, One kind of violent scene implied, One-Shot, SPOILERS for ship of the dead, Swearing, Why does every fic I write end up being hurt/comfort, fierrochase, lots of death threats, rated T for the horrific amount of F-bombs Alex drops, summaries are stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:08:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25140631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretztail/pseuds/pretztail
Summary: He was trying to hold back the rest of his tears, but it didn’t stop the snot he had running down his nose. As gross as Magnus should look, he still looks ethereal, just broken and beaten. Alex hates it. Hates seeing him like this. Hates that it was all caused by him.
Relationships: Magnus Chase/Alex Fierro
Comments: 8
Kudos: 162





	you’re ugly when you cry

**Author's Note:**

> woooo hey MCGA fandom. I literally wrote this in 2 hours on my notes phone app. It took longer to format this in Ao3 than it did to write.
> 
> I wanted to put some of my headcanons about magnus and Alex. sorry if anyone’s OOC, I’ve never written these two before and I hope I do them some justice
> 
> Alex uses he/him this whole story :)

Magnus wasn’t comfortable with touching. But after spending seven months in Valhalla after the flyting on Naglfar, he’d been far more open to being on the receiving end of physical affection. He didn’t flinch as much as he used to. Like a flower blooming in summer, his smile grew larger each day, radiating happiness that was extremely contagious. It was gross, how he easily rubbed off on Alex.

Magnus and Alex kissed a few more times after the whole chocolate incident, but Alex could only count those on one hand, and they became more sparse over the later months. They were short, fleeting; the same way Alex was with his emotions. The kisses followed with changing the subject, Alex enjoying Magnus grow embarrassed and stammer before tossing it all to the wind the next second.

So when Alex brushed against him, only for the son of Frey to flinch, like he had touched a burn wound, wasn’t too shocking to her. He was still recovering despite his progress. But then it happened again the next time. And the next time. And the next time. Something was wrong with Magnus. He was really bad at hiding it.

It’s not like he had had that many problems with the rest of the floor, or his “parents;” Hearthstone holding his hands and pressing signs into his palms, Blitzen hugging him, TJ placing a hand on his shoulder to steady him when he tripped (he was clumsy, per usual), Mallory ruffling his hair in some big sister gesture, Halfborn wrapping a solid arm around Magnus tightly (which did make him flinch, only because it actually hurt). He grew more comfortable with his friends and those feelings, slowly coming out of his shell.

However, as of late, he would shy from Alex. He didn’t initiate touch anymore, not with him, at the least. Not that Magnus did very much, as he definitely respected his space. But the longing look in his eye, the way his hand moved almost involuntarily to touch him, then catching himself. Something Alex noticed every time.

So he tried a new approach. Playful, rather than his usual rough and nonchalant approach. Poking him in the shoulder, not as painfully as he would normally would. Trying to subtly play footsie under the table.

Same flinch, with Magnus twisting his face in discomfort and reeling away from the touch. Like Alex was a hot stovetop.

Another clue that Alex knew it was bad, was when Magnus stopped staring at him. Now _that_ was suspicious. He always had that doe-eyed look whenever his gaze wondered aimlessly on Alex. Usually until someone said something or Alex snapped his fingers in front of the dazed demigod. When Magnus stopped doing that, purposely adverting his eyes and looking everywhere and anywhere but Alex, was the final straw for him.

A whole month, Alex tried wordlessly to get him to respond, with oblivious Magnus who couldn’t his mind. He hated that.

 _I didn’t realize how much I liked it when he looked at me._ How much he craved that soft, undivided attention Magnus directed at him.

Alex hates talking about feelings. Avoids it like he evades his mother. Magnus, while he doesn’t really like to; he needs to release it, in some manner. He used to be open about his feelings, while his mother was still with him. But since then, Magnus learned how to hold it in... until he died.

His main release of his pent up energy was usually through his healing, releasing his emotion into the wounds he patched up. He had gotten really good at controlling the ebb and flow of emotions back and forth between him and a patient. The silent but intimate exchange of memories and emotion was as healing to the mind as his powers were to the wound underneath his fingertips. He knew not to probe into Alex’s mind, so instead of taking from him, Magnus gave a piece of his heart instead, really honing in on good memories, even if sometimes it left the blond blushing afterward. Or left the wound healed just enough to keep going.

For the past month, Magnus stopped offering to heal Alex as much, even on the battlefield.. Over time, he had gotten more attuned to what wound Alex could handle, and what kind of wounds that were too much to bear. But even with that, seeing Alex with only one arm bleeding out, or a rather painful stab wound to the liver, Magnus hesitated, like he was holding back.

The green haired boy once even yelled at him, frustrated from pain and impatience, demanding to be healed, you stupid useless healer. Grey eyes that flashed in pain, before a silent “no” left his lips and an unreadable expression, leaving Alex heaving on the ground. He turned his back on Alex and jumped into the fray, to die almost willingly not long after. Alex could do nothing but scream after watching the idiot almost happily throw himself into that guy on Floor 35’s spear. Alex told himself the tears were from the pain welling in his abdomen. But he would never admit that the “no” hurt more than his ribs crushing his lungs ever would.

_It wasn’t a real battle, but what if it wasn’t just practice? What if next time it was real?_

Stupid thought. Magnus would never do that to him.

That was when, while walking back to their respective rooms, when Alex tried to drop a flirty line onto Magnus, he was welcomed like a brick wall. Not the usual “oblivious talking to a brick wall” Magnus, but a fortified brick wall with barbed wire, surrounded by a moat with a crocodile infestation.

That hurt. A lot.

Magnus gritted his teeth just slightly, before bluntly saying “goodnight” as he reached for the handle of his room. Alex was furious. He’d been a sour mess for a month now, and Alex was sick of it. As soon as the door opened, the teen pushed Magnus into his room, storming in behind him. Amazingly, the normally clumsy taller boy had managed not to fall over from being shoved by Alex full-force.

The door slammed behind them, with Alex’s hands on his hips and a frustrated glint in his two-toned eyes burning a hole into Magnus’.

“What the fuck is your problem, Chase? You’ve been acting like you’re ‘oh so miserable’ for weeks now. What’s your problem with _me_? I’ll fucking kill you.”

Magnus’ breath came in quick bursts, still recovering from the shock of being tossed and (very unconvincingly) emotional pain welling up in his face.

“Alex, stop fucking with me.”

“I’m fucking with _you_? You’ve been all kinds of off for the longest time! Don’t you see what you’re doing to _me_!”

“Don’t you see what you’re doing to ME!” Magnus screamed over Alex, which stopped him right where he stood. His mouth gaped open. Magnus never raised his voice.

“What did I ever do to _you_?”

“Technically? Nothing.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“You... ugh!!” Magnus grabbed his head like it was about to explode, before turning to kick the nightstand by his bed. The leg of the nightstand shattered into two. The lamp on top of it fell with an ear splitting crash. If his foot hurt after that, he never showed any signs of it. Probably because he heals so damn fast.

“Breaking shit isn’t going to help you get out of this!”

“Says you!”

“Whatever, _Maggie_ ,” Alex sneered, “Tell me right this fucking second what your problem with me is, or I’ll give you another problem.”

Magnus still held his head in his hands, staring down at the floor. His shoulders dropped slightly while they both waited in silence for a total of 30 seconds. Alex’s patience had run thin as he watched him just standing there, breathing heavily.

“Say something!”

“I’m... so fucking tired and frustrated. Of the voices in my head, and how you’re,” he let out a noise like he was being strangled by her garrote, “fucking with me.” Magnus’ breath was labored, and Alex still couldn’t see his face. That was annoying.

“How the fuck am I fucking with you?” Alex shot back. “And can’t you look at me while you’re accusing me of shit?”

Magnus lifted his head to show that he was on the brink of bursting into tears.

 _Shit_. Alex’s heart sunk into the floor. _Fuck_.

“Magnus... what’s wrong.”

And there it was. The waterworks that Magnus struggled to keep back. His lip curled and slammed his eyes shut, like it would stop the tears begging to come through, while struggling to breathe through it all.

“I don’t know what’s wrong. I can’t. Pinpoint it. It just hurts so much,” he gasped between each word.

Alex waited again, for what felt like an eternity, while the boy in front of him crumbled. It really didn’t help that Magnus’ aura shook everything around him. His pain and doubt tumbled over Alex like a rapid river.

“Alex, I know I said I’d give you space but  
It’s been months and months and months and I- and we have all of eternity, or as much of an eternity, to figure and think things out, but, I’m only human.” It all came out as a single, voice-cracking ramble, “Or as much of a human as I can be? And you hate to talk about your feelings, which is fine. But I need to talk about my feelings. It’s been eating me alive everyday,” he heaved and coughed. It was a heavy and wet cough that sank Alex’s heart further than it already was.

So that’s what this was about. _Well shit._

“And-and you know how I feel already, and I’m patient and I’m waiting and waiting, but _fuck_ , it hurts to even look at you, and AAAAAAA!” He screamed and he screwed his eyes shut, like something was trying to get into his head.

Alex was too stunned to say anything. He was just frozen, overcome with Magnus’ emotions to even respond.

After a few hiccups, the crying boy started to wipe his face with his sleeves.

“It just feels like,” Magnus paused, like his brain was finally catching up to his mouth, “Everyday you tease me, egg me on, and at first I thought it was because you had something for me. And I think you did. But over time I don’t know what to think. Now it feels like, I’m some joke to you. You’re making me go crazy. And it doesn’t help that.. the voices. The dreams. Everything makes me feel crazy.”

Alex still said nothing. Just studying Magnus’ every action. He must have taken Alex’s silence as some kind of rejection, because new tears threatened to fall and another sickening cough came out.

“I’m sorry, Alex.” His voice came out as a shuddered whisper.

_How could he be sorry right now?_

The angry red in Magnus’ eyes made his eyes made them look steel blue than their usual gray. He was trying to hold back the rest of his tears, but it didn’t stop the snot he had running down his nose. As gross as Magnus should look, he still looks ethereal, just broken and beaten. Alex hates it. Hates seeing him like this. Hates that it was all caused by _him_.

What kind of... friend was he? All he did was take advantage of Magnus’ kindness. Magnus, the boy with his heart on his sleeve.

“I’m sorry. This so selfish of me.” He hiccuped.

Alex’s brain finally kicked into overdrive.

“No!” Alex yelled louder than he intended, causing Magnus to flinch. He didn’t have time to worry about that’d though.

“No, it isn’t. This is not you being selfish. This is _me_ being selfish.” It hurt to admit that, but fuck his own pride right now.

“But fuck, Magnus. I... I didn’t know. I really didn’t mean to make you feel like this.”

The blond looked even more helpless at the statement. Alex cursed himself. He looked like a rejected puppy that was just kicked in the stomach.

“I’m the one who’s sorry.”

He reached for Magnus slowly, extending a hand out to grasp his. But Magnus pulled away, tears still leaking from his bright, bloodshot, stormy eyes.

“ _No_.”

Alex was still as shocked as that day on the battlefield, but this felt more intimate. But he wasn’t going to break his trust by doing something he didn’t consent to, even if it was something as simple as holding his hand.

Magnus must have noticed the disbelief in Alex’s heterochromatic eyes, and Alex could already see him swallowing his apologizes for sticking up for himself. Alex was internally proud of him for that.

“No. Not... until you tell me what you’re sorry for. Or reject me now, if that’s the case. I just need to know what you think of me. What you want from me. Please tell me the voices aren’t true.”

He whispered the last sentence like he hadn’t meant to say it. The flight instinct deep in Alex’s gut was rushing to his throat, feeling his mother’s silver tongue wanting to say something casual or off topic, anything to stray this conversation away. Like he did every time.

But seeing Magnus this way... he swallowed the snake. He knew his own mother might be planting seeds of deceit in Magnus’ head, and needed to stamp them out now. Now or never, if it meant losing his closest friend-who-he-kinda-thought-of-as-more-than-a-friend. Fuck it. Saw as a romantic partner he’d walk through Helheim and back for. Someone he’d want in his life until the Ragnorok.

“I’m sorry, Magnus. I’m sorry that it took _you_ realizing you were being taken advantage of for me to realize _I_ was taking advantage of you. I should have done something sooner.

I feel so many things about you. I didn’t want to admit it for so long. I’m afraid. I don’t want to lose you. I push you away, hoping the feeling will wear away, that if you were gone, I’d be ok. That day on the field, when you left me to die, it made me realize I’d never be ok without you. You are a constant in my life I could never imagine being without.

I didn’t realize what I had until I saw you run from me. I’ve been taking you for granted. _I’m_ the selfish one here. I never thought... of how you felt. You give every piece of yourself away, and here I am, taking all of it from you.”

Magnus said nothing. Alex needed to make every word count.

“I don’t know what you’re being told in your head, but... I’m here to say this, right here and now. I’ve been running away, when I should have been running towards you. I can’t run anymore. I love you, Magnus Chase.”

Alex felt his own eyes prickling, and through the swirling vision he could just barely make out Magnus’ flabbergasted expression.

“You don’t have to say it back. It’s ok if you never d-“

Magnus pulled him into the tightest hug. His eyes widened and his heart leaped. With Alex’s face in the crook of his neck, Alex could feel the warmth emitting from Magnus’ chest. It took a second to register the sudden affection, but Alex’s arms snaking around his neck ( _stupid boy who was taller than him_ ). Magnus radiated warmth, reassurance, and forgiveness all in one. And something else too. _Love_. He swore his love beamed so loudly he could hear the air around them humming. He almost never wanted to leave his arms. It was everything they both needed.

He couldn’t see his face, but he heard Magnus’ mumbled reply. He didn’t have to say it; his heart screamed it loud and clear, but he did anyway.

A couple more seconds passed. Alex was rubbing his face on Magnus’ jacket in attempt to hide the fact he may or may not have been crying. A warm hand reached for his hair, smoothing his green locks.

When they pulled away, Magnus looked like a living glow-stick.

“You’re glowing, dude.”

“Ah.” He looked at his hand as the light faded away, before his attention was snapped back by Alex moving towards him again.

His hands hovered over Magnus’ cheeks, just millimeters, eyes locked on his, until he felt hands squeezing his waist as a wordless “yes”. He pulled Magnus’ face down to capture his lips in a soft kiss. It lasted much longer than any other kiss they had shared, but was still over too soon. When they pulled away, Alex’s thumbs brushed the tears out of the corner of his eyes.

Magnus, per usual, had that giant blush creeping up his face and ears, something Alex had been deprived of for far too long. He had missed that dopey smile he wore whenever he stared too long.

He decided he never wanted Magnus to stop staring at him.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

_He really means that._

“Why did you leave me that day on the battlefield? When my lungs were crushed,” Alex asked tentatively, that memory still pricking the back of her mind. Maybe her mom was in her head too.

Magnus bit his lip, a nervous tick of his. “Because, well, I didn’t want any of my feelings to come through while I was. It’s hard to do when you have conflicting feelings about the person you’re trying to heal, y’know?”

“Makes total sense. I don’t know why I didn’t consider that. I thought you wanted to leave me for dead.”

“Well, I mean, I kind of did.” Alex didn’t have much time to react before Magnus was already apologizing, “Look, I’m sorry, but I knew you’d be fine! I’d never be able to leave you for dead though, Alex.” He smirked. “No matter how many times you kill me, if it’s life or death, you know I’m going to do everything to save you. Whether you like it or not.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Don’t apologize. And I know you would. You’ve killed yourself trying to save us many, many times.”

“And I’ll do it again.”

Alex took a good look at Magnus’ face again and flicked his nose, making his face flare up again. He sniffled and swallowed the leftover snot that was stuck in his nose still.

“By the way, you’re an ugly crier.”

“You love it.”

“Yea, I do.”

“You love _me_ ,” Magnus said in slight disbelief.

“Yea,” he grinned, “I really do.”

 _I’ve missed your smile so much,_ the sappy part of Alex’s brain thought.

“And about those voices and dreams... if they ever return, please let me know. My mother can be... pretty convincing.”

“For sure,” he replied.

Alex gave him a slight push before his thoughts could get any sappier. “Go wash your face though. Seriously Maggie. I want to kiss you again but you have snot everywhere and it’s gross.”

“But you already did-“

“Wash your face!” Alex interrupted abruptly.

Magnus laughed. “Alright. But I’m holding you on that kiss though.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading!! Let me know what you did and didn’t like! I love these two SO much holy shit you have no idea
> 
> also shoutout to, ironically, my friend chase for beta‘ing this for me
> 
> magnus is an insecure walking lightbulb who has the grossest crying face . and you’ll never take this from me


End file.
